THE UNSENT FINAL COMMUNICATION FROM THE DESK OF ALBERT EINSTEIN
To Whom I Have Chosen:
If you have received this letter, I have met my untimely death. Please know that I have not died by whatever reason(s) was/were publicly given, but was assassinated by extremist religious groups. My battle with them has raged for decades and I have made preparations, knowing this to be my end.
My estate’s executor has dispatched this letter to you, as you are one of the top scientists in your field – be it biology, physics, chemistry, or another discipline. You have received this because you must now know the ultimate secret that I have guarded.
There is no such thing as Science: The universe is governed by Magic.
I discovered Magic in early 1900 during my doctoral work at the University of Zurich studying theoretical physics. After stumbling upon Magic I spent weeks in the lab, frightened and awed by this horrible truth. Soon, I uncovered various types of Magic: Basic Magic, Theoretical Magic, Complex Magic, Magic involving Rabbits. By 1901 I had found an energy field that was previously unknown, but was ubiquitous: The Copperfield. The universe, once shrouded in mystery, was now elegant and unified. All I had hoped to do for science was explained by Magic. How does the Earth revolve around the Sun, that nature has such a variety of biodiversity, a coin appear from behind an ear? Magic.
Sadly, I realized man would never fully understand gravity, magnetism, or light. The giants of science collapsed before me like pillars of sand. Newton, Archimedes, Faraday – all became clowns in history’s greatest circus. Worse, I knew that if science could not explain the world, neither could religion. I kept the secret closely guarded; how these religious groups uncovered my discovery and began their attempts to destroy me, I do not know. I did know that opening this Pandora’s Box could result in a global war and I would be detested by humanity, except the magicians.
Therefore, I pushed science to new frontiers to conceal this cataclysmic revelation. I created the most outlandish scientific phenomenon since Thermodynamics: The Wave-Particle Duality. To keep the secret hidden it was imperative to introduce scientists to a new and complex theory refuting the current wave-function theory of light. This “phenomenon” took over one year to fabricate. My only regret was its utter simplicity; how could it not be deconstructed?
The theory captured the scientific community as I had hoped. Other scientists began studying light as quanta. I admit I suppressed a laugh when I was told Dr. Millikan verified my “calculations.” The only word to describe how that paper was written is “hastily.” I realized that if a plodding dullard like Millikan could become so close to discovering my ruse I needed to create new theories and concepts to distract physicists.
I began writing papers at a furious pace about anything, at times opening up the dictionary and coupling random words to create a new areas of study: relativistic cosmology, gravitational lensing, zero-point energy, and explaining the so-called Brownian Movement. The explanation of Brownian Movement was inspired by a dance my English bulldog, Robbie Brown, would perform when he heard the ice-cream trolley.
Through the years I kept producing concepts more extreme and esoteric. At the end of my rope and unable to produce any valid papers, I proposed the building of the atomic bomb. Please do not judge me, but I had to keep the scientific community occupied. I thought fission could not be achieved and was horrified by the destruction the bomb created. In my waning years I wish I had not advocated this course of action; I regret it fully.
You may be wondering why I have given this information to you and a handful of other top scientists. Within your group are Nobel Laureates and others with equations that bear their names. Although I may have inadvertantly destroyed your lifetime of work and achievements with a single letter, I hope to set you toward a new goal: to make the discovery of Magic public knowledge. My hope is that once people know Magic controls every facet of our lives, it will be harnessed for honorable purposes, not merely for entertainment purposes. I cannot abide another maddening instance of my kerchief being eaten whole or to witness my pocket watch be crushed with a novelty sized hammer, only to have both reappear unharmed.
However, please act with the utmost of care – Magic is all around us, and like any powerful conceit, it deserves the respect it commands.
Yours,
Albert Einstein
Note: the enclosed proofs – these should be as thorough as needed to validate my claims.