MY EARTH DAY RESOLUTIONS
1. Switch birdfeeders from nuclear to solar.
2. Fill in backyard Superfund pit with cement.
3. Paint cement over Superfund pit green, with cute little flower designs.
4. Adopt one of the polar bears at the zoo (the one that doesn’t look so scraggly).
5. Print out a picture of Al Gore and pin it to something.
6. Get rid of the corpses.
7. Wash dishes by hand, with sand.
8. Will make a Styrofoam replica of the Earth and hang it on the front porch (will pin Al Gore’s picture on it).
9. Will walk to Walmart to get the Styrofoam.
10. Won’t flush, all day.