HAYPENNY EMAIL SUBMISSIONS GUIDE
It is the opinion of the editors that Haypenny is nothing without its readers, and it is here on the Email page that readers have the opportunity to speak up about whatever is on their collective mind. So please, feel free to submit your comment to the editors by using the link below.
comments@haypenny.com
It has been suggested (and we agree with this) that there is always a need for additional email addresses to deal with specific concerns that the readers might have. If you have a suggestion send it to the address below. Please do not suggest more email addresses because that was the example suggestion and has obviously already been taken care of.
suggestions@haypenny.com
You may have guessed that there are a number of departments here at Haypenny (you’d be correct) and that these departments are divided by the issues they handle, as well as the functions that they perform. The departments were actually assembled by considering the overall talent, cooking ability and physical attractiveness of each and every staff member. Below is a list of department email addresses and a description of the issues that they have been assigned.
goodexperience@haypenny.com – Tell us about a good experience that you’ve had at Haypenny.
crummyexperience@ haypenny.com – If you’ve had a less than favorable experience, spout off here.
mediocreexperience@haypenny.com – Maybe you’ve had an experience that was hardly even memorable, if so you can drop us a line here.
eroticexperience@haypenny.com – Did Haypenny do something sexy to you? Share your erotic Haypenny experience here. Due to this department’s extremely high volume, responses to erotic emails usually take a few months.
suggestgoodpetname@haypenny.com – All emails suggesting good pet names for pets that the editors have or will some day have should be directed to this department.
suggestbadpetname@haypenny.com – All emails suggesting bad pet names should, of course, be sent here.
The editors swear to God that if anyone gets the pet name email addresses mixed up, it won’t even be funny.
Requests for dates with the editors should be directed to the appropriate email address listed below and will never be turned down, ever.
requestbreakfastdate@haypenny.com
requestlunchdate@haypenny.com
requestdinnerdate@haypenny.com
requestnightcap@haypenny.com
requestbackrub@haypenny.com – Backrub requests should be directed to this address.
bragaboutbiceps@haypenny.com – If you’re the kind of person that likes to brag, particularly in regard to your biceps, please do it to this department. Please include measurement.
bestbaldwin@haypenny.com – Perhaps you feel strongly about a particular Baldwin brother. To submit your argument for the best Baldwin, please send an essay to the above address. Submissions must be a minimum of 500 words and should include at least one table.
frenchinglessons@haypenny.com – Unfortunately this department has been eliminated. Haypenny no longer offers frenching lessons. Emails sent to this address will now be forwarded to freedogbites@haypenny.com, which is, at this very moment in the process of being outsourced to a much larger firm that can provide higher quality at a lower cost.
skabunny81@hotmail.com – This is obviously not a department here at Haypenny, but we ask that you direct anything hateful, obscene and otherwise inappropriate to this address anyway. The truth is that we’ve all had our problems with Skabunny81 or Heather. She is a beautiful girl with an icy black heart. Please put this angel of heartache in her place.