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THE HMS BEAGLE PROJECT – A SCIENCE CREATIVE QUARTERLY PIN UP (NO. 3)

(CLICK HERE FOR PIN-UP POSTER – pdf file ~200k) – We suggest photocopying at 129% – LTR to 11×17 – My wish was to be buried in the Churchyard at Downe. Now I find Mr Huxley, thumbing his nose at the Queen for refusing me a knighthood, arranged to have me planted in that mausoleum Westminster Abbey. He knows I hated London. And burying an agnostic in such a place is carrying whimsy just a little too far. So I was delighted when a mob of angry biologists and historians broke into the Abbey one night and removed my remains…

IN WHICH OUR PROTAGONIST LEARNS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE BASE CASE

I was three years old. By this point in my life, the residents of Sesame Street had educated me about as well as any community of puppets could reasonably be expected to educate any small child. Family legend has my father holding me, age fifteen months, as he selected an ice cream treat from the Dickie Dee vendor outside our Virginia home. I don’t know if I recognized the varieties of snacks, but apparently I could make some sense of their names. “I,” I enunciated, pointing. “C. E. C…” Incredulous, my father informed my mother, “She knows letters.” Since neither…

LOTIC

In electric confrontations, the clouds gather, grow dark, and grumble their dissent. They lumber about like gravid beasts, heavy bellies aimed at the earth below; a slow dance that lasts for days. Then, like a crescendo, it rains. Not an unusual phenomenon in this urban area of the west coast trapped between the mountains and the sea. The geometric nature of the city provides a horizon of percussive surfaces in the form of concrete stalagmites that have colonized what once was a temperate rainforest. What trees remain have been landscaped into place. And water batters into the foliage, each leaf…

THE SCIENCE/ARTS DIVIDE STANDS BETWEEN US: A LOVE STORY

“Tell me something interesting,” he says to me as we sit side by side on the bus. He looks so cold and calculated and I wonder if he feels anything towards me at all. He takes up room in his seat. I barely fit next to him. He is an overachiever, overeducated and impeccably self-reliant, with what most would call a bright future ahead of him. He is the science student. Is this what I want? Is this who I am? I feel torn within myself. He looks me over, bored, unsatisfied, and I feel an old familiar pain come…

EXCERPTS FROM A COLLECTION OF MICROBIAL RENGAS

My ideal microbe has sharp teeth, fury and green. It eats my homework. It likes math homework the best, but it will eat anything. My ideal microbe absolutely hates the sun, drinks ocean water. He smells like sour lemonade, but he doesn’t like lemons. Jonathan Chan and Carl Laurente David Lloyd George Elementary – – – My perfect microbe is a champion athlete: she has gold medals. She’s a male microbe magnet and is the envy of germs. My perfect microbe has never disobeyed me. She will come as I call. She is always by my side with elegance and…

LITTLE ASSISTANT PROFESSOR ANNIE

A Christmas Play Characters: Interim Chairman Hannigan: runs the department with an iron fist Assistant Professor Annie Assistant Professor Molly Assistant Professor Pepper Assistant Professor Derek Assistant Professor Oliver Twist Sandy, a graduate student Dean Grantbucks Dr. Farrell, Daddy Grantbucks’ Assistant Dean Note: Except when they are singing (in synchrony) or when they say “Yes, Chairman Hannigan” in synchrony, most of the lines for “Other Assistant Profs” or “All Assistant Profs” should be said like a crowd scene – i.e. not in synchrony, but overlapping and random, with different people speaking different lines all at once.) Production note: Karaoke versions…

WARM TIDINGS

Virginia, will you ask again this year Whether melting ice-caps scare his deer? Ice-water never was so warm As amid the mighty powers’ swarm. But children in Russia and Timbuktu Will get their Christmas presents, too; And sweet lead paint will not compete With family, good cheer, and meat; And submerged futures and frozen hearts Break free along with elfin workshop parts. You can also hear the piece being performed by Katelyn by clicking here

EVALUATION OF BOUYANT, DRAG AND STAR WARS FORCES ON ENT DERIVED ENGINEERED DEBRIS JAMS

Originally under: DARTHOLOMEW VADER AND DROGO PROUDFOOT*, Department of philosophical biology, University of Tatooine at Mos Eiseley. * Direct correspondence to University of the South Farthing, Crickhollow, Buckland Middle Earth. (Also available as a pdf) * * * Abstract: We used computer flow models and high definition vertical and horizontal GPS to measure the stability of engineered Ent debris jams in deciduous forest streams. We tested the effect of in-situ buoyant, drag and Star Wars forces on the stability of Ent-derived jams. These results were compared to equivalent forces applied to debris jams made from simple large woody debris and…

ANOTHER EYE

The Eye followed the rusty-skin fall leaves collapse on their damp-green bed. Razors cut plum clouds, opening a show of sepia sky. To Clove smoke ashes eyes danced, lips dry, exhales of industrial amounts of smoke. Outside, on the faded deck behind his family’s house, is where the Eye spent most of his time, smoking and reading. The mind was coated with increasing Agoraphobia. The mind? No, he was not a Dualist. His vision of Dualism is that it is tantamount to an ignorance of walking. Hitting a baseball with an invisible bat is impossible, as it goes against the…