Department of the Interior Internal Report (Committee Level) Date: Feb. 16, 2009 Subject: Determination of Endangered/Threatened Status Species: The American Scientist (Homo Scientius Americanus) Recommendation: Upgrade from Endangered to Threatened Background/History: For the past eight years, the noble American Scientist has teetered on the brink of total extinction. Over-hunted by religious groups and faced with continued encroachment upon their natural habitat from local school boards, American Scientists retreated to a last few protected ecosystems at a handful of research universities. Although it was long thought that large endowments and the tenure system would preserve these habitats indefinitely, the introduction of…
The Science Creative Quarterly
By Peter Waldron
Peter Waldron is not a scientist, nor does he play one on TV, having bailed out of a Computer Science major way back when Fortran and COBOL were cool (well, cool to computer nerds anyway). He's a freelancer and a contributing writer for the Onion News Network. To date, his work has appeared primarily in his own head, where it invariably gets a big laugh.