The worlds of science and mathematics were sent into turmoil yesterday, with the shock revelation that Integration had been made up by science over a century ago. “I never meant any harm”, confessed the abstract concept of science, which spontaneously materialised to call a press conference. “You have to understand the level of competition back then, the types of pressure I was under. Differentiation was a huge success, and all eyes were on me to come up with another mathematical hit.” “Sure, it started off easy enough”, Science continued, adjusting its extremely thick glasses, “I just thought `Let’s do differentiation…
The Science Creative Quarterly
By Luke McKinney
Luke McKinney spends 5% of his time laser blasting things for science, which is cool. He spends the other 95% praying to the machine spirits while trying to get the laser working again, which isn't so cool. He has written for Cracked, CRAM Teen Science and CampusX. You can read more of his stuff at http://lukemckinney.org
AN ANGRY RANT ON THE SUBJECT OF SUPERSTRING THEORY
Superstring theory is hot with scientists trying to understand the entire nature of the universe (as opposed to, say, inventing a way to block cellphone reception in cinemas). The idea is that all the particles and forces in the universe are different notes on appallingly tiny strings. A key tenet of this theory is that there are at least ten dimensions, that’s six more than the four we can access, but that the others can’t be measured or in any way observed because they’re too small. Seriously, that’s the entire argument. And an invisible and untouchable dog ate their homework.…