I. THE HEADQUARTERS OF SCIENCE (EUROPE) – Hand me the abortion elixir. – But – but Master, it has yet to finish bubbling. – What in the Darwin?! Here, hold another burning Bible below it. It usually takes three or four. – But why can’t we use these perfectly suitable adult stem cells? I have an entire briefcase right here. – Because if we cure these diseases, then we’ll be out of business for good! That’s why! – I’m so glad you have no common sense. – Yes, I am extremely arrogant. I refuse to accept anything not in a…
The Science Creative Quarterly
By Jason Silverstein
Jason Silverstein's writing has recently appeared in McSweeney's Internet Tendency and the British Journal of Haematology. In recognition of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, he'd like to forgo the customary humorous blurb and ask that you, kind reader, consider supporting the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network at www.pancan.org.
PRE-MED STUDENT ACCIDENTALLY CURES CANCER
Patrick McCarthy, a pre-medical student, who previously referred to his general chemistry lab requirement as “the dumbest thing [he’s] ever heard of,” has discovered the cure for cancer, Nature News reports. McCarthy, 22, discovered a special class of polyphenolics during last Monday’s extraction of the compounds from apples, says John Strova, a sixth-year graduate teaching assistant. “The students were required to complete an extraction of the antioxidants and complete a calibration curve to determine phenol activity,” Strova told the Associated Press. “Pat’s research results were mind-blowing. I didn’t even know this level of antioxidant activity was possible. But there’s an…
A GIANT LEAP FORWARD: CAREGIVERS OF ADVANCED CANCER PATIENTS BECOME ANXIOUS AND DEPRESSED.
(In reference to this paper) – – – In a recent issue of Biological Psychology, Ratnakar, et al., sent shock waves through the scientific community when they concluded that “family caregivers of advanced cancer patients undergo anxiety and depression associated with stress.” Making yet another daring leap, the intrepid authors suggested that “these changes might have health implications, warranting appropriate stress management counseling for them.” Their novel conclusions, which could never have been obviously anticipated, will undoubtedly turn the field on its side. It appears the textbooks need revision, or do they? Conventional wisdom tells us that caregivers of advanced…